nelson.

Last night I went to a sort of show. It was at the Faire Gallery. Tiny little place with art, coffee, and booze. it was a chill place. besides the photography on the wall falling on me. lame. embarrassing. but there i became sure of myself that…. 

In first and second grade, I really really really wanted a jean jacket. Never got one. The rest of my life, i kind of still wanted one but did not pursue it. Well last night i decided that its something that i still really want. And i will do it this time. but i am picky so maybe not. 

ALSO i want a very light white tunic-ish/ hippy-ish/ “boyfriend” shirt. that too is something that i have ALWAYS wanted. 

My dad wants me to come up to Morton Monday to work. Mainly its to see family, since I don’t go up there anymore. But I just saw them two days ago… i am not sure why this Monday. Don’t get me wrong, family great, you need to see them, but you also sometimes need you space from them  too? maybe? time to grow, be your own person, not rely on them, do things you want to do…etc. whatever. 

I twas pointed out to me though that my dad is just worried he is losing him family. I understand that, but what can I do to change that. Nothing in my opinion. I do come back to see them, they come see me, its not like i don’t call. I am only 2 hours away. its really not that far. My mom is still herself and not going anywhere, so how i see it…. there is nothing to worry about. I still/will continue to do what I can to make them happy. I.E. come up to see them/work, over the summer help my dad clean out his new classroom and paint and decorate it. Two bands rooms…. pretty cool. 

yeah……
 

To gain respect is to give respect. Would you rather have respect or credit? don’t you have to have respect to have credit? Or can you have credit without respect? 

Respect doesn’t mean that they are on your side. They just can dig it. Like Sting, I don’t listen to his music and don’t really think i have really ever. But i respect that he is making it. Not my thing, but i support it. 

Life goes beyond the perspective of “the glass is half-empty or half-full.” No matter what it is, what is in the cup? Maybe its better to have a half-empty glass in some cases.

Late night, long flight, sleep till we land
Hotel, dead cell, sun bathes the sand

Met you at school, made me your fool
Always were just out of reach

Flying away, trying to make this my day
I’m hung up again on a peach

I try to say what I gotta say
But I’m not through
I try to do what I gotta do
But I’m not over you

Night talk, sleep walk, most of my life
Drunk bold, truth told, think you’re my wife

Out on the shore, telling you more
Than I ever thought you should know

Completely obsessed, but you’re not impressed
So maybe it’s best if I go

[Chorus]

I’m not a child, I’m not a child now
My thoughts are changing
Bit me twice
Not shy but rearranging
All of my hopes
Say it’s just hoes
Can’t touch my feelings
But that ain’t true
Or I’d be past you

The dogs are fighting/humping. I am watching Role Models. Ate a good sandwich.

work tomorrow. realized i wont be making that much money. my dad came in.

sat in the middle of deep conversation and thinking, but said nothing.

debating eating this “cookie.” Tired. is ready for things to come back to earth.

justified that girls can be shallow, harsh, crazy, fake, and bitter. 

I am sitting here at Starbucks, which is weird for me. I am not really down for these corporate places. They just seem to lose their charm with each passing day, becoming a money hungry thing. I come from a small town so i guess i just believe in community support for something, and an establishment with charm and character. Although I have to say that they guy who made my drink was nice and smiled, which made me feel good. 

I like it when guys are nice, I like to play with the idea that they think for the split second that talk to me or see me, they think i am cool. Like the guy who came into Noah’s today… I feel like we could be friends, and kind of wish we were. His name is Nick and i liked his shirt. I was the one to take his order, he was chill about it. Kind of like we have know each other for a looong time. whatever. I hope he comes in again. I dig his positive vibe. as a friend. nothing else. dont get any ideas. 

Its weird not going to Morton. There are soo many people who i have just gotten used to seeing them regularly. They always ask how i am. Now I am sure they ask my dad how i am. Ron calls me every now and then to see how school is going. Its nice. We used to serve liquor together. He told me he was going to take me to Australia next time he goes. We will see.

I realize there are fake people out there, or very shallow ones at that. It bugs me, not there are these people…. more the fact some people can’t see that. They get into this rhythm and are blinded to it. The clearest example i can give is, relationship. Many a people are lost. Many a friends “disappear.” And all you can really do is, wait for them to figure it out. Because sometime if you say something, they take the defense, and shit gets mixed up. Its the cycle of life though. They all cant be saved.

Sometimes i think i understand too much. My psychological understand is more advanced than someone can handle. 

I feel sorry for the people who have to listen to me talk, because i can blabber on for hours if they let me about crazy random stuff, and then it turns into me being intense about all these subjects. Just babbling on. Getting into it. 

The other day i had the loooooonnnnggggest talk with my mom on the phone about being Kosher. ha it was weird. for her i think it was nice, because she got to talk and talk and it was with me. She has been calling a lot lately. I think its because he was to make the best out of what we have, i think she is getting scared now. Which is weird for my mom. She is the craziest toughest kid i know. I runs on solar energy i think, 24/7. I cant imagine anything happening. Lately i fear the day i get a phone call. ugh. why am i talking about this?!

Kelly Clarkson said it ” I do not hook up”

Lady GaGa explained it:

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

I wanna kiss you
But if I do then I might miss you, babe
It's complicated and stupid
Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
A love game, a love game

Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Maybe three seconds is enough
For my heart to quit it

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much just bust that kick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

Let's play a love game
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
Dans the love game

Let's play a love game
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
Dans the love game

I'm on a mission 
And it involves some heavy touching, yeah
You've indicated you're interest
I'm educated in sex, yes
Now I want it bad, want it bad
A love game, a love game

Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Maybe three seconds is enough
For my heart to quit it

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much just bust that kick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

Let's play a love game
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
Dans the love game

Let's play a love game
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
Dans the love game

I can see you staring there from across the block
With a smile on your mouth and your hand on your (huh!)
The story of us, it always starts the same
With a boy and a girl and a (huh!) and a game

Let's play a love game
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
Dans the love game

Let's play a love game
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
Dans the love game

Well i am off for now. Chat with you soon.

It was pointed out today by brandon that i do soo much better at video blogs than to actually talk.

I figured it out. I am not the only one. I want to say something, but know i shouldnt. I just dont want other people to fall into what I am/was in.